


I hope You’re somewhere, praying

by mercuryhatter



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Finding Peace, Gen, M/M, Religion, Song: Praying (Kesha), Wedding Night, not like that tho, praying, wrestling with god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 16:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19066138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercuryhatter/pseuds/mercuryhatter
Summary: The sea breeze rustled through his feathers, because there are some things that should only be done in one’s true form, and telling your Creator that you don’t need Her anymore is a third.Crowley’s final detente with God, inspired by his praying scene in the Good Omens show and Kesha.





	I hope You’re somewhere, praying

**Author's Note:**

> I quite literally did write this while listening to Kesha’s Praying on repeat for two hours straight. It was a harrowing sort of night. Anyway, this is very specific to the Good Omens TV show for me, and I’m emo.

The day had been like a dream, if Crowley had ever had a dream worthy of the name. Like a dream’s dream, something so perfect no human neurons had ever come up with it on their own. The air cold and crisp around them, but the sun strong overhead, the rhythmic crash of the waves, Aziraphale’s hands in his, Aziraphale’s lips on his, Aziraphale’s wings unfurled against his and the sky because there are some things that should only be done in one’s true form-- saving the world is one of them, and marrying your love of 6,000 years is another. 

 

It was like a dream, but better for its firm, insistent reality. And yet here Crowley was, the moon high overhead in a sky that was still clear of clouds, looking down at its own wavy reflection scattered across the black sea. The cold air was unbroken by the touch of sun now, but Crowley wanted it sharp on his skin, wanted it clean in his mouth. The sea breeze rustled through his feathers, because there are some things that should only be done in one’s true form, and telling your Creator that you don’t need Her anymore is a third. 

 

“Uh, hi,” Crowley started, wrinkling his nose at the brittle awkwardness of his own voice meeting the wind and the tide. “Been a bit. Not that long, I guess, but a lot’s happened. Or not happened.” He paced down the waterline, looking down at the glints of starlight stuck on the wet sand, focusing on the earth beneath his feet, and his voice got stronger. “Yeah, so-- listen. I know we’re meant to think that You had this planned all along. That’s what Aziraphale’s got himself convinced happened. That You knew we’d come through in the end, or that Adam would, at least, it was all just a test, not even the  _ last _ test, and You were never going to destroy it all. Well.” He drew in a breath and pulled his gaze back up to the sky. It wasn’t quite the right direction, but it was the closest that existed in three dimensions, so he looked up and twisted his hands into fists in his pockets. 

 

“I won’t tell him this, but I don’t believe it for a second. I think You really fucked it up this time, God. I think you miscalculated, and me and Aziraphale and Adam and those kids, we pulled it back from the edge. And You know what else? I don’t think that’s the first time it’s happened. I think You’ve been fucking things up from the beginning. I think you’ve been bungling through like the rest of us, just on a grander scale. I think-- Earth, Heaven, and Hell, I think you fucked it up when you threw me out. I think there were a whole lot of us who didn’t deserve to go down with that ship and You were just covering Your ass.

 

“But I got what I deserved in the end after all, didn’t I? Had to get it myself, and it certainly wasn’t Above or Below. I got  _ him _ , and-- You want ineffable?  _ That’s _ in-fucking-effable, God. I got him for myself, and he got me, and we are in  _ love _ and  _ that’s _ what we deserved. That’s what we’ve always deserved. That, and to be here, and… to not think about You or angels or demons or plans or Plans ever again. We deserve to live without You hanging over us and we got it. 

 

“So. That’s all I have to say. I don’t know if Aziraphale really keeps up with You directly like this or if it’s enough for him to feel good about himself, and I don’t really care, I know You won’t tell him any of this anyway. I’m not going to get between him and his peace. But this is my peace, and while I’m at it... You know, You can have what You didn’t want to give me.  _ I  _ forgive  _ you, _ God. Because… well. No reason, I guess.” A different  _ I forgive you _ was ringing in Crowley’s ears, but the whole point of this was that he didn’t have to tear bits of himself off for the Almighty anymore, and so he kept that to himself. He smiled wryly up at the sky, kicked a shell into the sea, and folded his wings away. There was a great silence over the sea, a lull in the wind, but it wasn’t Speaking. It was just the natural still and swell of the wind on Earth. 

 

Crowley picked up his jacket from where he’d left it draped on a rock, shivered his way into it. He was still smiling as he walked back to the house where his husband slept (which was something he indulged in now, occasionally). He slid between the sheets, pressed his cold feet between Aziraphale’s ankles, laughed quietly at the disgruntled flurry of motion it caused. The sun would be up soon. It was the first day of the rest of Crowley’s life, and it was going to be a nice one. 


End file.
